In the modern era, where people are bombarded by Instagram-style images of billionaires, nice cars, Chads with six-packs, and OnlyFans chicks with big fake boobs with Louis Vuitton bags, men get their minds quickly warped regarding what is necessary to be A) happy and B) successful in life.
And the younger the man is, the more likely this warping is to occur.
I mean, shit, you should see some of the comments I regularly get on my social media about this stuff.
“Caleb, don’t you think I should get a really nice car before I start trying to hit up girls? Won’t that increase my chances?”
“The only way to get confident is to have a bunch of money. THEN you’re confident, of course!”
“Well, of course YOU’RE outcome independent about everything, Caleb. You’re already successful/rich/getting laid/<insert some other excuse>.”
“There’s no way I could hook up with a nine or a ten. I only make $34,000 a year.”
The problem is that most men think that to be happy and/or successful with money or women or anything else, they need to HAVE certain things, then these things will magically make them BE a better man.
Once I make $500,000 a year, then I’ll be confident.
Once I get a Lambo, then hot girls will like me.
Once I get married (or otherwise settled down) to a woman who is an amazing wife/mother and have three kids, then I’ll be fulfilled/be a good person/be a good man.
Nope.
It doesn’t work like that at all.
In fact, the inverse is true.
You must BE a certain kind of man, then you can HAVE what you want.
BE, then HAVE. Not HAVE, then BE.
Once you are a certain kind of man, the stuff you want comes to you, either with zero or (comparatively) little effort.
And when I mean zero or near-zero effort, I mean it. Recently, something happened in my personal life (that I can’t talk about publicly, join the UAT program if you want details about things like this) that is ultra-fantasy level shit, something I thought would be amazing but never thought would actually happen to me in real life.
But it did, and I did pretty much nothing to make it happen. It just dropped in my lap out of the blue. I was shocked… and very happy.
That’s because many years ago, I changed who I was. I BECAME a different kind of man (was a pussy beta male, became an Alpha Male 2.0). And now, I HAVE the stuff in my life that I want.
Several years ago, I set some big goals for myself, mostly financial, and I realized a few years into the process that the man I was couldn’t accomplish these goals.
So I had to, once again, BECOME a different kind of man. Today I’m almost that kind of man, and many of these results are starting to happen. But they would have never happened at all if I were the same guy I was back in 2018.
Often in life, you need to focus on improving yourself, to BE someone different, rather than to beat your head against the wall of trying to get something you want first.
You don’t HAVE to BE. You BE to HAVE.
Don’t mix up that order.
This is all fine but how do you do it? How to Be before you're successful? Any books on this topic?